"I will throw open the windows of Heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so GREAT you won't have enough room to take it in!" -Malachi 3:10
"He truly does care, Bethany. He cares for us." Liz's words seemed so simple, and yet, the context of shattered, shallow beliefs I found myself in at the moment they were spoken made them deep. Life-changing even.
My God LOVES me and He CARES.
To fully understand the weight of these words, I must share a few stories. Stories that should have been proclaimed from the rooftops long ago. Lord, forgive my silence.
It started my Senior year of college. My Christ-fearing friend, Liz, went on a run with me as she often did. Lifting up some prayers to our Savior on this run, we both began to pray for a simple, yet immediate need I had. Running shoes. "Lord," we prayed, "could You provide these?"
Rummaging through my room the next day I found $40 in an old letter from my mother which I must have overlooked a few weeks prior. Ecstatic to so CLEARLY see the Lord answering prayer, I rushed out to tell Hanna, my roommate. She praised God with me and then pointed out, "Beth, Melissa and I were planning on buying you shoes, so if that's not enough, we'll cover the rest." And that same afternoon, I carried my new shoes out of Hibbets and the smiles were incurable. God provides.
A few days later, the realization came that the $40 had been intended for upcoming necessities. Us brilliant college students rarely plan ahead, or at least, I constantly failed in that area. And so I did what now seemed logical. I went to Liz and again we prayed, "Lord, could You provide?" This was around 4pm. The next morning when I went to work in the post office, an anonymous letter awaited me in my post office box. $40 and a typed note simply saying, "You are a blessing to me." My supervisor said she didn't see who dropped it off, but she noticed it came around 4 o'clock the day before. I asked so many of my friends if they knew anything about it or where it came from, and they all promised they did not. O God, how exact You are in Your miracles, making it EVIDENT beyond argument that YOU PROVIDE.
Months later, as a poverty-stricken college graduate, I was living off of nothing and rent was due. Anxiety, I admit, did get the best of me for quite awhile. But somewhere along the way I chose to BELIEVE--God will provide. The night before rent was due, I sat on my apartment floor, gaping at an envelope full of $175 in cash. More than enough to cover what I could not. The words came rushing back.
"He truly does care, Bethany."
And in all my weeping and offering up of a sacrifice of thanksgiving, I realized that I must NEVER wonder again. He WILL always provide.
Less than two weeks ago I drove onto campus at Southwestern--jobless, rent due, friendless; uncertainties--my largest cargo. The question, "what am I doing?" would not leave my worried mind. Had I not seen miracles before? Was I such a disloyal follower as to doubt, after ALL my Shepherd had done, that He would again provide?
"I have faith, Father," through my trembling it felt a funny thing to claim, "but it is so very small." And because He CARES, He shared this comfort with me:
"Of how much more value are you than the birds?" His Words pierced through my clamped-down thoughts, "I FEED them... Now, consider the lilies--Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these!--I CLOTHE them. How much MORE will I clothe YOU?" (Luke 12:22-34)
How much more? How much? Have I made enough room for all that You provide, O God? I don't know if I ever can, because in ONE day, I had everything I needed for the semester. And all that I can think now is this:
He CARES. For me.
